Fill Ourselves

Nov 27, 2024

The picture you see above is a print of a painting called "Lincoln and Douglass," by Lincoln into Art artist Wendy Allen. It hangs on a wall of my office where Abe and Fred can keep an eye on me. Fred, especially, makes sure I walk on the right side of the gratitude line.

There are two kinds of gratitude: Empty gratitude and full gratitude. Empty gratitude is the polite lip service we pay to others’ efforts—the thank yous and I appreciate yous that smooth our social interactions. These are important, and much better than nothing. But full gratitude happens when we zoom into the alternate reality where that person or thing isn’t in our lives; we notice the difference between here and there and fill ourselves with what that means.

I will never face anything close to the challenges Lincoln and Douglass endured; relative to them, I have no problems. So whenever I feel tired, discouraged, or lazy—or tempted to take the easier path—I glance over at Abe and Fred. They tell me to summon some perspective, muster some energy, and get back to work. Fred reminds me that he not only escaped slavery as an adult but also became one of history’s most compelling writers and orators. In contrast, all I have to do is run an Internet-based business where everyone in our little universe is smart and nice. Fred's pep talk helps me zoom to a time and situation that is much less cushy than where I am now. It’s a shortcut to a full heart.

Practicing full gratitude can seem a little cliché, especially at a time of year when thanksgiving sentiments are bouncing off every wall. But if we’re sincere, it never really is. I just asked Abe and Fred their opinion about this, and they’re on board. Abe even reminded me he’s the one who made Thanksgiving a national holiday. So I think I’m in excellent company.

—Deb